Meg (mega_g) wrote,


i am currently reading "machine of death" -- a collection of stories about a machine that predicts, with sometimes vague but always accurate statements, how you are going to die. you stick your finger in the machine, it takes a small sample of blood, and it spits out a ticket that has a word or a few words such as "cancer" or "friendly fire" or "suffocation." and that's how you die. in these stories, people try to avoid their deaths (in one example, a woman gets "tree" as her death ticket, so she becomes a recluse and never leaves her house), but it always comes somehow.

it is an interesting concept. i certainly would NOT want to know how i'm going to die. i think it would ruin my living to obsess over the circumstances of my dying.

randomly, i looked up two of my favorite claimants - just to check in on them - and found out they both died shortly after i transitioned their claims to long term disability. i don't know why it shocked me, as they both had stage iv cancer, but it did. i can still hear their voices in my head. they were the sweetest men, always positive, always lovely to speak with and so nice to me -- which is rare, in this industry.

i am having a hard time balancing my own life's happiness w/ a constant exposure to illness and death in my work and now, in my reading.

it's hard to remember to take life day by day, to appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world and not get lost in petty bullshit administrative things that we have to do.

as always, i will resolve to love harder, laugh louder, live more vibrantly.

i encourage you all to do the same.

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