it is becoming increasingly hard for me to be excited about this.
i spent my whole life saying that i wanted to live in north carolina. well, now that wish has been granted.
i created a new england "bucket list" of things i wanted to do in the area before i am no longer a resident.
in the last 2 months, i have been reconnecting with old friends, visiting old haunts, and drowning in nostalgia.
it makes me sad to remember how happy i was.
i visited cape cod this weekend and my heart swelled with the beauty of the place. i wish i had loved it more and taken more advantage of it when i lived there for 3 months, when i visited there every week for 2 years. now it's too late. i went to some of my favorite places and also discovered some new favorite places and i spent time with people who i let drift away for far too long.
but now what?
in a few weeks, i will be visiting dartmouth/westport for a final goodbye and i'm sure i will be flooded with the same sentimental feelings.
i have to keep reminding myself that i am the one who creates and controls my happiness. i have to keep telling myself that i can be happy anywhere, that i can learn to love new people and new places as deeply as i have loved new england. and if i can't, i can always leave. i can come back.
i know these things, but they're hard to remember.