i want to be a romantic failure

i feel like i am finally starting to pull myself together again.

i am done with eric. he is a pathetic liar.

i haven't really had any classes yet, but i'm not worried about academics.

RA stuff is good. i really enjoy it, though i wish i felt closer to my staff members.

i auditioned for the acapella group. retha and katie and jackie and i have started a new club- "sacc" - scrapbooking and crafting club. i'm pumped. sail is good (though overwhelming sometimes). i'm SO happy i don't work for torch anymore.

i went back to ruby tuesday today after like 3 weeks off and it was nice to be waitressing again. after that, i took myself to my private (!) gym in maple ridge. it was nice. my goal for the end of the semester is to be able to run two miles without stopping. and to go at least 4 times a week (though my schedule was SUPER crazy this week...i hope it settles down a little bit).

the fall is making me nostalgic. it smells and feels like fall already. i need to get gingerbread and cinnamon scented things for my room so i can feel like fall 24/7. i'm so ready for cardigans and jackets and cool nights.

my love life is...lacking. but i'm okay with it. this is time for me to pull myself together and get re-acquainted with who i have become over the last couple of months. i still get upset thinking about eric sometimes, but i'm pushing past it.

i kind of wish i had a friend with benefits type of thing going on right now. but whatever. what is meant to happen, will.

<3

So far, 23 is off to a great start, though I'm only three hours into it.

I just got back from a 4 mile bike ride / 4 mile walk. It was dark and kind of tiring for my muscles because I also went to the gym and did 5 miles today haha.

I was kind of feeling down on myself because I've been working out so hard and eating as well as I can with occasional (and deserved) snacking and haven't really seen any results. But today, I looked in the mirror and realized that my legs have REALLY changed. I have very defined calf muscles and my upper thigh flab is tightened up. If only the rest of me would catch up.

Oh well.

I've gone on exercise binges before, but I've never truly enjoyed it as much as I am enjoying it this summer. I've gone pretty hardcore, for myself. I'm trying to embrace the physical side of myself because I've been held captive by my fear / my body for far too long. By the time RA training comes around, I want to be able to participate in all of the games and not feel embarrassed by my physical uncertainty. I have been going to the gym nearly every day and ALSO going for a jog or a bike ride every night (at like 3 because that's when I get my energy haha).

Today, I went to the gym and then lounged around and picked Addie up. We went out for a lovely dinner and then picked Olivia up and went to see "Away We Go." I absolutely loved it and will soon own it. It really made me think about life, love and relationships in general. Who I want to be. How I want to be. When we got back, I biked down to Olivia's and we walked from her house to UMD and around Ring Road, then back and then I biked back. Now I'm doing laundry. I know it's 3:30 am. haha.

Tomorrow, I am meeting up with my mom and sister for lunch and shopping, then I have to work, and then I am going clubbing in Boston with Kate, her brother and Steph Luz. Should be...interesting!

I have to work the rest of the week until the 6th, when I am leaving to go down to Virginia to pick up the AT hikers! My co-pilot bailed so now I'm praying that Kate will be able to come, or else I may have to do the ride solo, though Olivia said she may be able to go. All I know is that I definitely don't want to go by myself.

I also know that I am going to molest Eric upon sight. I can't wait to see him. I hope our spark is still there. I hope he's every bit as great as I have built myself up to believe that he is.

Should be a fun first couple weeks as a 23 year old. Start my new job at SAIL/ go back to work at Ruby's on the 15th.

Ahh.
Life is good :)

i think that once my lease is up, i am going to get my own apartment. just me. and maybe a pet or two.

i've already started looking at listings. haha.

- Stay up until 3 a.m. watching the usual trashy television (Super Sweet Sixteen/A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila)

- Wake up at 10:30

- Swim at UMD for two hours until the pool closes

- Walk a mile on the treadmill and ride a mile on the bike

- Come home and make/eat lunch with Kate and Adrienne

- Go to UMD to play tennis with Chris

- Foodshopping

- Walk to downtown with Chris and eat at NoProblemo (fucking delicious!!!)

- Hang out with Cardaci, Kristin and Jenna


...yeah, I'd say this summer is gonna be awesome. :)

we had a barbecue at the center today. it was fun. i am so fucking lucky to have landed that job.

i really like working at ruby tuesday so far. though it's just a matter of time before they realize i'm a huge pervert hahaha. i remember when i first started being "myself" at ihop. i think everyone was incredibly surprised and (hopefully) delighted to find out that i'm not quite as innocent and/or nice as i seem.

we're moving in 8 days (and counting)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i went back to west springfield this week. i freaking love natalia and my family.

tonight, i'm going to a jello shots and karaoke party hosted by jeff and ryan. my last party with them, so better make it good! :(

tomorrow, i'm going out to a really nice restaurant with a bunch of girls and then we're going to the first lighting of waterfire.

this summer is already shaping up nicely.

now if only i could find the motivation to write my thesis...

+ Moving to our sick nasty house in New Bedford on June 1. I can' wait.
+ Going to share my room with Kate over the summer. It will be freshman and sophomore year reincarnated!
+ I got offered a job at Ruby Tuesday. I haven't officially accepted yet because my #1 choice is to work at the 99. I don't know why, it's just a feeling that I would a) enjoy it more there and b) make more money.
+ The semester is almost over and I only have 2 large projects left
+ I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE!!!!!!!!!
+ Chris and I have been getting along super well lately.
+ I got all three seasons of "Arrested Development" for $15
+ Torch dinner at Wasabi on Thursday <3
+ Getting to see the fam soon :)
+ A lot of my friends are living on campus/in the area for the summer
+ My life is really coming together quite nicely. I'm pleased.

- Apparently there's stuff wrong with my car
- I can't afford to repair it because people owe me money :(
- I still have 2 large projects left to conquer
- Not looking forward to having paint our apartment back to white and clean a lot
- New house has ugly grandma flower wallpaper, a far cry from the glorious orange family room we now have
- Bitches
- Maybe some hos, too
- Money
- The cost of gas. Yay, America!

I highly recommend that y'all youtube the song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap. The video's not that exciting but the song is pretty fucking awesome. I've been listening to it on repeat for the last 2 days.

Ciao for now!

Hello!

Chris and I have found a DELICIOUS house in New Bedford and have already put a $1300 holding deposit on the place. However, our roommates ended up bailing because they had a cat and it got complicated from there.

ANYWAY we would have the second and third floor of a huge house. It has 4 bedrooms, 3 family rooms, a huge kitchen, a porch with a washer and dryer, 1 bathroom, access to a backyard with a deck, a grill and patio furniture.

The rent is $1300 a month plus utilities, which ends up being about $425 a person in the summer and hopefully not more than $475 in the winter (with heat). Rent itself is $375 a month per person, so the utilities will probably vary every month.

We are looking to move in on June 1st. The least is for a year.

We are going to be undergraduates at UMD for one more year, but then are both going to be grad students there, so we plan on staying at the place for at least 3 years if we can.

We are looking for people who are fun, neat, fiscally responsible, respectful and like to have the occasional themed party.

We have enough furniture and housewares to fill the house, if necessary, but aren't all that attached to things, so they can be tossed if you have better stuff :)

If you're interested, please call me at (413)478-9454 or just leave me a comment here.

Thanks!
Meg

DC on Saturday! I'm excited.

I wasted this entire weekend drunk and stoned. It was really nice and really stupid of me to not spend time working on things that need to get done.

I am very content with my social life.


I have to worry about: thesis, regular homework, prepracticum, surveys, WMS newsletter, Siren, The Jack, figuring out what I'm doing after next semester, MTELs, money, getting a new job for the summer, not becoming obese, scholarships, health insurance for next year, medical stuff in general and keeping my head above water.

please please please please please

let me relax.

i am freaking out x 1893483945 and it is totally unhealthy. i feel jumpy and anxious and nervous all the time. make it go away.

love, me

I <3 school.

However, I wish my classes weren't so lame.

In one of them, I am the only undergrad.

The other two are made up of mostly females.

Yay education and women's studies classes!!!

How am I supposed to meet the hunk of my dreams this way, eh?

UPCOMING AWESOMENESS:

- Vagina Monologues auditions Sunday and Monday
- Happening Event on Friday in Neu Beige
- Hanging out with people

so many wonderful things to look forward to. i can hardly wait :D

- I wish I could whistle

- I wish I could snap

- I wish I could draw/paint/ be really good at art stuff

- I wish I could play the guitar

- I wish I could keep time in music

- I wish I had someone to excite me (not in THAT way, perverts. Well. Maybe THAT way could be a bonus?! haha)

- I wish I was a more positive person

- I wish I had the motivation to go back to the gym

- I wish I could stop being so self conscious

- I wish I was less inhibited

- I wish I could stop being so uptight

- I wish I could learn another language

- I wish someone would start an informal singing group on campus where we could just get together and sing and have fun

- I wish I were more communicative

- I wish I could stop overanalyzing things to death

- I wish I was a better friend

- I wish I could stop caring what other people think of me

* I wish all of these could come true :)

that we only have two weeks left in this semester?

I am feeling stressed.

In other news, I love my family (that's not really new news, but whatever). I had a great Thanksgiving break and I am sooo looking forward to Christmas break.

ReUUnion? Hi. My name is Megan, and I am wicked excited :)

Also, it's back to the gym for my ass, starting tomorrow.

Ciao for now.

I had a grrreat weekend!

On Friday, I went out to dinner with the long-lost roomie and then helped her rearrange her room until I met up with K-Rock so we could go to a party in Fairhaven with the Cardaci crew. Good times were had, much mead was consumed, a fat blunt was turned to ash. Came home to some drama. It hurt my heart a little bit, but all's well that ends well. :)

On Saturday, I woke up mad early to go to the Emerald Square mall with the long-lost roomie. We're the best shopping duo EVER. And then we went to Dairy Queen and indulged ourselves. After that, we picked up Patricia and Connie and went to Chili's for Patricia's 21st birthday celebration and since I was the only other person who was 21, she and I had a drink together and I took her on her first packy run :). After that, I went to Jeff's karaoke party and had a really fun time. Allison and I totally duet-ted it up and serenaded the love of my life, Jen Soares with "Summer Nights." Much arbor mist was consumed, mad jello shots were spooned into my mouth, many songs were sung. All in all, quite a delightful night.

On Sunday, Chris and I lazed around, went to KFC for lunch, then I went to the Taunton Galleria and bought the best Christmas present EVER for the long-lost roomie, then we went to K-Rock, Pat and Kevin's for an early Thanksgiving dinner, which was DELICIOUS.

All in all, I spent lots of money, drank lots of alcohol and ate lots of food. Sounds like a good time to me.



<3

Schedule for next semester:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday

EDU 547 (k-12 Classroom Instruction) 9-9:50
ENL 203 (British Literature 2) 10-10:50

Tuesday, Thursday

WMS 104 11-12:15




Freaking sweet.

This week = lots of stress and homework followed by a lovely, relaxing weekend. My dog is coming to stay with me from Thursday until Sunday <3 because my parents are going on a vacation. And they are coming to hang out with me on Saturday. Good times!

After only 1 week of semi-dieting and going to the gym Friday, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and yesterday, I am already fitting into pants that I was unable to zip. That's enough to keep me going. :)

Ahhhhhh! So one of my goals in life was to see Tori Amos in concert, because I've loved her since I was like 12. Yesterday, that goal was accomplished in the Orpheum Theater at 7:30.

AMAZING.

It's so weird because my sister and I have always referred to her as "Tori," as if she were just one of the girls. And now that I've seen her in the flesh, she has become so much more REAL to me, and I can appreciate her music waaaay more. She was straddling a piano bench and playing two pianos at once for most of the show, which is fucking incredible. What a hot bitch. haha. She also flipped us off, grabbed her tit, pretended to jerk off, and was overall obscene and hilarious.

She played 25 sons. Crazy.

Cruel
Bliss
Fat Slut
Smokey Joe
Teenage hustling
Waitress
Professional Waitress
Big Wheel
Crucify
Concertina
Cornflake Girl
Putting the Damage on
Take to the Sky
A new song which she wrote like an hour before the show because she was inspired by Miss Massachusetts (who is, hilariously enough, from UMass Dartmouh)
Jackie's Strength
Etienne
Virginia
Hotel
Code Red
Precious Things
Digital Ghost
Bouncing off Clouds
Hey Jupiter

Yesterday, I was talking to Matt at CFPA and I was animatedly describing my love for coffee, and he said to me "Wow, you really love the simple things don't you?" Then went on to explain that he didn't mean I was simple, just that it seemed I could take immense joy in really small things. And he is absolutely right. My greatest pleasure exists in the most menial tasks and comforts . For instance: Most people would be upset at the prospect of getting up at 6 to go to work and do homework all day. I came to work and was sooo looking forward to reading a play, sitting on the couch, drinking coffee, listening to Feist, and lighting my cinnamon toast candle. Now I'm looking out my window and the tips of the leaves are yellow, and it makes me happy.

I'm glad I can appreciate the small things in life. I would be quite a miserable person if I couldn't.

Fall has so many amazing smells and comforts.

I spent most of the weekend at home (both of them!) visiting my family <3, cleaning, listening to Carole King with 5 candles blazing and a vacuum in hand, wearing a sweater and it made me so happy.

I have a cinnamon toast candle at the center and it smells delicious. I wish my office had a heater. It's the only one in the whole building that doesn't. I might ask to switch because my hands are coooold.

Today = work till 6, torch meeting and working on torch issue, christmas tree shop to get more candles for home and maybe some pillows! also some frames, because i want to start up with some new projects. then homework for the rest of the night.

This week is going to be fun. The center is having a cook out on Friday with an open bar. Last Friday they took us out for dinner at a Portuguese restaurant in Westport. I decidedly don't like Portuguese food, except for Chourico. Then we all went to the Regatta in Fall River, and sat at the outdoor bar. It was sooo nice. I got mildly tipsy.

I am so content with my life right now. I wish I didn't have to get older and worry about a career and a house and children (ew) and taxes and suchlike. Oh well.

so it started off with this creepy lady with a veil and her man took it off of her and put it on himself and then we changed the channel and came back to a cathedral and THEN there was this planet jupiter music video. fucked up. it was like the windows equalizer but with a full chorus wailing and it looked like spilled paint. we felt like the magic schoolbus adventure inside the person;s body with cells and whatnot. and now there is nothing on. so i'm eating doritos.


ps: natalia bought me a hookah for my birthday from spain. siiiick.